2010.02.02 Evolution of a New iPhone User
2009.10.24 Contemplating the Orb
2009.05.21 The Nacho Incident
2009.04.10 Tax Time
2009.02.14 An Essay by Matt
2008.12.19 Age of Steam
2008.12.14 Must work on the French
2008.12.13 Border Crossing
2008.12.07 Who Moved My Chair?
2008.12.02 Gland issues
2008.11.16 Disappointing Translations
2008.11.08 A Funnier Thing I've Seen Lately
2008.10.25 Game Night at Work
2008.10.17 Gentlemen start your watches
2008.10.11 Dark Water
2008.09.12 Oh, I have to pay?
2008.08.31 Tzaziki nightmare
2008.08.18 Bagged
2008.08.12 Alphabet Metldown
2008.08.05 Creating a Monster
2008.05.03 Aversion Warning: May be nutty
2008.02.02 Is not like the other
2008.01.07 Gay? I'm not gay
2008.01.05 Cluj
2008.01.04 Unusual Romanian Jobs
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Tzaziki nightmare
For a late lunch yesterday, I stopped by a relatively promising-looking Donair / Falafel / Kebab hut in New Westminster.

With my newly wheat-free existence, one of the staples of my diet has become the ubiquitous Chicken Shawarma Plate: kebab chicken over rice, with some combination of tzaziki and/or hot sauce, and usually with some combination of side dishes like Greek salad, hummous, and tabouli (if the place in question makes the greens-only variant, and no wheat).

Luckily, it's a meal I almost always enjoy to some degree, so given that it's more or less my primary fast food option (along with Taco del Mar burrito bowl and fast food sushi), I don't feel too unfulfilled overall.

Unluckily, compared to other fast food options like burgers or fried chicken, the degree of variation can be . . . troubling.

Yesterday was such a case.

Watching the guy smother the chicken in multiple spoonfuls of tzaziki, I thought I'd hit the jackpot. Mmmm, yogurty garlicky sometimes-cucumbery goodness. I couldn't wait. And paired with the generous amount of hot sauce he used, I thought I'd found a new standby weekend lunch spot.

What is it they say about not counting your chickens?

My first bite told me how wrong I was.

What masqueraded as tzaziki sauce (indeed, the owner even referred to it as tzaziki multiple times) was actually . . .

[wait for it]

[drumroll]

Tartar sauce.

That's right, that tangy and sickly sweet mayonnaise + sweet pickle relish + loads of sugar concoction that finds itself on the occasional fried fish. Don't get me wrong: I actually sort of like tartar sauce on fish, in the right context (I'd never ever put it on miso-glazed sablefish, but on some inexpensive previously-frozen fish & chips style cod, assuming I could eat that anymore, it sure does the trick to spruce it up a bit).

But on chicken? Paired with hot sauce, in addition?

What I'm not sure of is if they intentionally or unintentionally used tartar sauce as a substitute for their normal tzaziki, or if this was indeed their tzaziki sauce, but executed in a style which was undeniably tartaric. (If I gave you a taste in a blind taste test, and asked you what condiment I'd served you, I'm certain that at least 90% of you would reach the same conclusion I did.)

Insult to injury? After I trudged my way through enough of the dish to stave off my hunger (the Greek salad and hummous were quite good, at least), the proprietor approached with a huge smile and asked how it was. I know, that in the interest of the greater good I should have politely given my honest feedback on the sauce, but I just couldn't . . . quite . . . do it.

Honestly, the first thing on my mind was running away so I could wash the creamed-pickly taste out my mouth with the rest of my Jones Cream Soda, and forget that the whole thing ever happened.

Am I that bad?